Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
