Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
