no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she told me i tasted like america
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
