becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
