I just pynch a tree in the face
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
