Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Non-Jews are for practice
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Terrible idea I love it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
