sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
