OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
