just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you traded sex for a burrito?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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