i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
tonight lets celebrate not being married
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
