Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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