I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
