I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
