we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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