dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
