I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
