He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
