I want to have your abortion
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Randomize
