People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
