woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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