I'd wear matching sweaters with you
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
