I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
