I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
