He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
