I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
