This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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