theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
