if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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