I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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