The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
