I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
