I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
