Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
