I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
