i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
