My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
