just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
