Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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