pop tarts are not kleenex
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
