What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
