He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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