Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
