If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
