I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
