nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
