Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
