She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
