The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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