life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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