we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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