I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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