do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
