her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
