I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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