We're facebook friends in real life
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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