He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
