If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
